False alarm; Escaped albino gorilla actually just PM attempting yoga.

By Acton Murry

Expert animal handlers were dispatched to number 10 today from London Zoo after several confusing reports of a ‘crazed albino gorilla’ running amok. One eye witness, Miss Sophie Baxter stated “It was horrible! Clearly distressed! Making all manner of grunting and groaning noises, rolling around from room to room. I didn’t know what to do, so I called London Zoo begging for help.

“At first we believed we were dealing with an atypical adult male gorilla, carrying out a dominance display” said chief zoo warden, Mr Dundee “we approached slowly with tranquilizers ready just in case, and that’s when we realized it was speaking Latin!”

“Bloody Ad Astra per Aspera! Ad Meliora! Somebody help me!” grunted Mr Johnson whilst stuck on his back, legs firmly stuck behind his head. “Its that damn Carrie’s fault! She suggested I take up yoga in the hopes I mite not sweat and pant so much in the bedroom! Bloody-Nora help me!”

Yoga is becoming increasingly popular by people wanting to gently improve their health, wellbeing and flexibility. In typical style, Mr Johnson appeared to have dived straight in against expert advice and had managed to get himself quite stuck.

Ambulance and Fire crews were subsequently called to release the trapped PM and to find him some pants. “It’s all rather embarrassing” muttered a red faced Mr Johnson “Will probably be a while before I live this one down”. Fortunately, the PM’s girlfriend Miss Carrie Symonds, had finished laughing by this point and was on hand to remind Mr Johnson of every embarrassing thing he’s done, in the last 12months alone.

“Yes well, all right!” Blurted an irritated Mr Johnson “Hopefully I can rugby tackle another kid and everyone will forget about this”

See where else the PM ends up in this brilliant ‘Where’s Wally’ parody book; ‘Where’s Boris’. Available here.


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