30 Something year old ecstatic to be invited to yet another stag-do


By Acton Murray

36-year-old Estoy Cansada was thrilled to learn this morning he had been invited to his seventh stag do of the year. Mr Cansada was first alerted to the development when a small explosion coming from his bed side table as his phone went into melt down, awoke him at 10pm.

“I thought to myself, who on earth is awake gone 9pm on a work night?! And then I saw the indicator showing 666 unread WhatsApp messages and the familiar feeling of dread washed over me”

Mr Cansada from Durrington has so far successfully spent in excess of £1000, gained 15pounds and lost 14 days in ‘illness’ due to his lifelong friends having the audacity to finally settle down and get hitched.


“What bothers me is why didn’t they have the decency to ruin their lives in their twenty’s like everyone else? Back when a whole weekend of drinking would result in minor discomfort, compared to now when 2 pints puts me on a dialysis machine, IV drip and 4 days in intensive care”

“Yea, I’m really looking forward to it” Beamed groom to be John Smith “a whole weekend away, just lads being lads, drinking constantly with…no sleep… and…clubbing….” At this point Mr Smiths mouth began to gape in horror and he stared transfixed out the window.


“Good, I hope he’s bricking it” said Mr Cansada “it’s the least he deserves considering I’m now going to have to sell a kidney, book 3weeks off work for the hangover and hope I don’t get fired”

“I’m just going to down 10 Berroca’s before pre drinks, and hope I wake up before Summers been and gone”


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