It’s not murder, its financial planning insist young couple

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By Acton Murry

A young couple from Sussex has caused outrage amongst family and friends after announcing their financial plan for sourcing a 10% deposit for their new home. Scott Smith, a mechanic and Lauren Smith, a primary school teacher from Steyning raised some eyebrows when they announced they were planning to buy their own property in their childhood town.

“We were a bit suspicious” said a close family friend. “They’ve been living together at Laurens parents for 3 years, struggling to get by on a frugal lifestyle of 3 holidays abroad a year and a plethora of city breaks. So when they said they were eyeing up a 3 bed detached property for £480,000, we wondered where the money would be coming from”.

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The couple, who have a combined income of £68,000 per year which is over 3 times the ‘Living wage’ caused severe back lash at a family dinner after unveiling their plans. “At first we thought about just cutting back on eating out to save a few quid, looking at a more affordable area, maybe sticking to the living wage and saving everything else. And then we really started thinking up crazy stuff like not going to Tomorrowland or holidaying less. Then we realised there was a much more simple solution”.

“Were going to push Aunt Margaret down the stairs” they beamed.

It is understood Aunt Margaret has substantial savings, life insurance as well as her own property and has promised 20% in her will to her only and favourite nephew, Scott. “We crunched the numbers and realised we could make it work and made the announcement over Sunday dinner, and that’s when the mood went sour” grimaced Lauren Smith.

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 “Are you absolutely mental?!” Screamed Scott’s mum “You can’t just go killing someone at the end of their natural life, while they’re waiting for death just so you can get onto the property market! George, are you hearing this?!”

“Your mother’s right” said George Smith “You’re showing real financial immaturity here. The inheritance tax would take most, you’d have to bump off Nan as well….What? It’s true!”

Don’t go bumping Nan off just yet; take a look at this must-have title by the brilliant Phil Spencer, from hit TV show location, location, location here

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