‘Trust your common sense’ says man who caught Covid after shaking hands with everyone during a photo op at a hospital.
Britain lower Covid threat level back from ‘rather miffed’ to ‘let’s put the kettle on’.
Chase on paid leave pending results of police probe into historic misconduct
‘I’ll take a knee for no man, although I will bend over’ clarifies Dominic Raab
‘Coronavirus and Brexit’ shittiest duo since Jedward, UK TV viewers confirm
‘What is this; Amateur hour?!’ Cummings ridicules New Zealand twin’s lockdown breach
Trump administration buys up global stocks of Hydrogen Peroxide
Property tycoons concerns as average UK property price tumbles from £220,000 to a mere £219,000
‘Chat sh*t about Leicester, get banged’ warns Vardy
Boris confirms first major public infrastructure project by walling off Leicester city
Boris vehemently denies shitting his pants whilst doing a press up
Number of children living in poverty increases as Boris Johnson dodges child support payments
‘We’ll just say we’re getting an eye test’ chuckle locals and tourists as beaches threatened with closure
‘Use your common sense, but not so much common sense you change your voting behaviour’ clarifies Boris